Words of Affirmation

I need 'em. I need people to tell me they like me, they like what I did, they like how I look, they like what I said. I used to think that touch was the way I needed love expressed but now I'm pretty darn sure that words do it for me. I'm looking for love and I need people to tell me they like and love me.

The funny part of the equation is that I am very weak at handing out and giving out words of affirmation. I need to be better at that. That's kind of wacky, don't you think?

Hey, you are wonderful for reading and leaving a comment that is so thoughtful and considerate. (practicing words of affirmation...)

April 18, '05

A Gentle Answer

A Gentle Answer repost

A gentle answer turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger.

Be comletely humble and gentle. Be patient bearing with one anther in love.

Be slow to speak and slow to anger.

17 years ago I was loud, outspoken and impulsive. I would say what was on my mind bluntly, without much of a filter or regard to sensitivity or appropriateness. I think that I had a lot of "oops, i wish I didn't say that" moments every week but i didn't even know that they were those moments. As I became more sensitive to the feelings of other people I really did not like the way it felt to stick my foot in my mouth. It was painful and embarassing and it became something I wanted to avoid. I realized that my skilled sarcasm was funny but was usually at the expense of someone else or it made people wary of me and I learned that if I wanted the love from people I was seeking that I would have to be a kinder and gentler person.

April 01, 04 10:33 AM

Confrontation and Accountability

As a manager of paid and volunteer staff, confrontation and accountability are so much part of my life and so foreign to me at the same time. I haven't been at this long, about 3 years, and I come from 10 years of teaching children where the confrontation and accountability are so different. (or are they? the thought occured to me as i write that maybe i should treat them the same...thoughts?)

Part of my difficulty with confrontation and accoutability comes from my relationship with my father and the unsafe, explosive way he modeled doing life. My mom had a role in it, too. Hiding while my dad stormed; making peace before there was ever a conflict and being an expert in passive-aggresive behavior.

Combine these factors and you have me who gets really nervous when I have to confront behavior in adults and I cork my feelings and avoid doing what is right. I go into an ultra calm, unemotional and expressionless mode that helps me to avoid exploding but has many shades of passive aggresion. People know I'm bugged about something but they don't know what. The result may be that everyone thinks I'm bugged with them or that I have no passion for what I am doing since I control my emotions too well.

I really don't know when I should show my passion for my work and how important I think it is. I'm very confused. I came across this quote today on another Blog and it is good wisdom for me.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by Dogma ~ which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."

~ Steve Jobs

I do feel trapped by Dogma and that other people's opinions drown out my inner voice. I need courage to lead and to trust my instincts and beat the influences of the past that slow me down. It's so tough for me to balance out my drive and my need to make sure other people feel good about themselves and me. Is this codependancy?

I am a conflicted man but I carry on.

August 27, '05 9:58 PM

"ies" "just and "kind of"

Something that REALLY bothers me is putting "ies" on the end of a word. For example - "veggies" or "snackie" food - two words that make my skin crawl. Don't know why; it just happens.
Also, I'm really annoyed with the use of the words "just" and "kind of" as a way to be weak in communicating. "I just wanted to let you that we kind of decided that you are fired." Listen and you'll hear it often. It's weak and they are useless words in most contexts. Especially annoying is using the word "just" in prayer. It minimizes our permission to go before God boldly. What do you think?

August 26, '05